Not Now

I can’t talk. I’m busy.

Sounds like I’m making excuses, doesn’t it?

In my defence, I really am strapped for time. A2 Levels is turning out to be far more stressful than I imagined. Unlike AS, I’m realizing that there’s no point beginning to study for things when the test is announced. If I am to get that coveted A*, I need to familiarize myself with things the moment they’re covered in school. Sometimes I’m at my intellectual peak, and I can finish a relatively tough chapter in a couple of hours. But sometimes, I’m just not in the mood. And wading through Newton’s Laws and gravitational constants when I’m off my game is like trying to cross the ocean while wearing lead boots. And talking myself into doing it anyway takes time. Redoing concepts because I just wasn’t paying attention before takes time. Getting good at the questions that swim before my eyes mockingly takes time.

Then there’s my college application to worry about. Short listing universities and writing college essays is a big part of my weekly stress, especially with the September deadline hanging over my head like a bloodthirsty bat. Good thing I don’t have the time to stop and contemplate just how much I have yet to do, otherwise I’m pretty sure I’d collapse in a shaking heap of tears and nerves.

All this makes it very difficult to pursue my interests in English. Trying to work on my school newsletter and my own novel saps my strength more than I would care to admit. Every night I promise myself that I’ll get some writing done. I mentally prepare myself, get my thoughts in order, and walk purposefully to my laptop. Then I casually steal a glance and my comfortable bed and fluffy blanket, and say to myself, “I’ll do extra tomorrow.” But, as they say, tomorrow never comes.

But even after presenting such an elaborate argument, it still sounds like I’m making excuses, doesn’t it?

Well, you know what? You’re absolutely right.

I am making excuses.

I’ve realized now, that I’ll make time if I care. I make time for my studies because I care about my grades. I make time for my college application because I care about my future. And I care about my writing, so from now on, I’m going to make time for it.

Half an hour. Ten minutes. It doesn’t matter. I’m going to do this seriously now, you see if I don’t. This is my very public commitment to write more, and post more.

Oh well, it’s late now, and I still have that Entropy chapter to revise.

Like I said, I can’t talk. I’m busy.

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